Answers to those who ask inappropriate questions about infertility.

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Dear Prudence,

I am 25, and my husband is 28. We have been trying to get pregnant for about four years with no success. We've tried different fertility treatments but are not willing to take the risk of having multiples, so we haven't gone full force. At this point we have decided to stop trying and just let life happen. We are already raising my husband's 9-year-old son and consider him a blessing. My stepson and I are very close (I started dating his dad when he was a year old), and he calls me Mommy, so I feel that even though he isn't my biological child, he is still my son. So here's the question: When people ask when are we going to have a child together, what do we say without being rude or getting teary-eyed?

—Stepmommy

Dear Step,

You can be certain that anything you say that is not an in-depth answer to this prying question will be considered rude by these inquiring minds. So here are a couple responses to help you not really answer the question: "We'll let you know" or, "He IS now our child, together." Prudie feels that if people don't instinctively know what is and is not their business, they need to be educated.

—Prudie, tutorially

Dear Prudence,

After 13 years of a very close friendship, my female friend "Q" broke off all contact with me following a phone conversation that she abruptly ended after I quoted her as often saying, "I'm rich as Croesus" (apparently some biblical character). We are both psychotherapists and live in the same town. I gather she complained to mutual acquaintances about me and my behavior over 13 years. My sister-in-law thinks Q was resentful of my growing relationship with a loving man to whom I am now married. I was physically and emotionally sick after losing her friendship. Amazingly, I still think of her fondly and wish our friendship had continued. The last contact was in 1995. I wish I could speak with her again! One time I did call, and her adult daughter called back to yell at me for causing her mother so much pain. She said Q had told her many hateful things I'd said about her/the daughter (which, actually, Q herself had said about her own daughter). Have I no recourse except to follow that ancient Chinese fortune cookie saying, "Do not worry if you cast a crooked shadow as long as you stand straight?"

—Nostalgically

Dear Nos,

Prudie thinks both of you could use a third therapist; at the very least, go with the fortune cookie. Croesus, by the way, was not from the Bible but was one of those Greek B.C. kings. For all his dough, he had a hard-knock life. But back to Q. Any person who carries on about how rich she is, becomes irate when this is pointed out, and ends a friendship because of the remark is a quart low in well-integrated-personality department. And the business with her daughter just underscores the point. Prudie understands missing your friend of many years, but looking at the big picture should tell you that you are not missing much.

—Prudie, analytically

Dear Prudence,

My in-laws are wonderful people, but I can't seem to get over an old grudge I hold. When my now-husband first introduced me to them, the reception was rather lukewarm. I always sensed they thought I wasn't right for their son. We decided to marry after a short engagement, and when my now-husband called his parents to break the news, they were less than enthusiastic. My father-in-law even briefly tried to talk him out of it. Ever since the wedding, though, they have been warm and supportive toward me—I suppose resigning themselves to my presence and deciding to make the best of it. Five years later, we have a son of our own. My mother-in-law is staying with us for a few weeks, in part to baby-sit while our regular baby sitter is away. She is great with our son, helps out with household chores, and cooks dinner for us every night. I should be overjoyed to have her here, but instead I find myself becoming annoyed with her at the least provocation. I think I'm pretty adept at hiding my annoyance, but she probably senses something is not quite right between us. How can I overcome my resentment of her and her husband and learn to appreciate them for everything they do for us now?