How to handle your pregnancy around friends who are still trying.

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Dear Prudence,

I am a newlywed, and my husband and I just found out that we are expecting our first child early next year. We are absolutely elated, but there is one thing gnawing at me. My oldest and dearest friend has been trying to start a family for more than a year. While part of me can't wait to tell her my news, I am unclear about how to approach the topic. We are both in our late 20s now and have been close friends since high school. We've always talked to one another about everything (including the ordeal of trying to conceive), and to make a long story short, it would break my heart for our relationship to change. I fully intend for my child to know her (and her family) as part of our family. How can I best tell her my news while being considerate of her feelings?

—Baby on Board

Dear Babe,

Your sensitivity to your friend's fertility issues will carry the day. Of course you must tell her your good news, but add that your happiness could only have been enhanced had the stork been planning a visit to her, as well. Tell her that she is your choice for godmother, you are hoping for a close relationship between her and the baby, and your wish is that your little one will be a "rehearsal" for her own.

—Prudie, embracingly

Dear Prudence,

I am bringing my fiance home to meet my family for Thanksgiving. I adore my mother and stepfather—they are both gracious and charming, and I am sure that everyone will get along famously. The thing is that my mother is a terrible housekeeper—filthy in the corners, refrigerator a horror, etc. Especially disturbing is that the bathroom we will be using looks like it's never been scrubbed. My mom is a person who just does not put a high priority on housecleaning. I know there would be no way to ask her to clean the bathroom before we get there. She has gotten offended in the past when I've gotten out the cleaning supplies during my visits, so how do I brace my fiance? She is a charming, lovely person, but I admit I am a bit embarrassed. Please advise.

—Spic and Span

Dear S and S,

If you had not said that your mother had been offended when you, yourself, got busy with the cleaning supplies, Prudie would have suggested—as a "gift," of course—a cleaning service to herald your arrival. Your mother's idiosyncrasy, however, that neither she nor anyone else bow to bourgeois notions of keeping house leaves you no choice but to go with gracious and charming ... and throw in peculiar. Explain all this to your beloved and, perhaps just for this visit, decide that graciousness is next to godliness. Since people returning home for turkey time generally stay no longer than three days, humor and understanding will get you through this. (And perhaps smuggle in some contraband cleanser, disinfectant, and a sponge.)

—Prudie, practically

Dear Prudie,

I'm pushing 40 fast. I've lived a great life (self-centered but great). Here's the deal. I'm finally ready to settle down and have kids (the new midlife crisis definition), and an old flame has popped up, BUT I've been dating a real nice guy for almost a year—reliable, boring, has faults, etc., but he definitely loves me. He's just not sure he's "ready to settle down." But I know I'm heading toward menopause, so if I don't get on it now, it may be impossible. Problem: Just had my 20-year class reunion, where my old flame's name came up and I hear he is divorced. I know he's looking for me. How many men can tell you what you were wearing the first time you met, 20 years later? We even had an affair for five years while he was married. I called it off because he wouldn't get a divorce to be with me—though, truthfully, I'm not sure that's what I really wanted at the time. I thought we wouldn't be together until we were 80, and both our spouses had died, and we'd regret never having children. The chance is here. Do I stay with the man who loves me, or do I go back to the one I love? HELP!!

—????