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Fair Trade?

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The president of the company I work for has made an agreement with a personal friend of his that I feel is highly unethical. We are in the high-end digital printing industry, and his friend is in some type of flooring/home improvement business. Our president has made a trade of services with his friend in which his friend gets his costly printing job done in exchange for flooring work done on on our president's personal home. Not only is this job tying up our employees' time (time with which they could be doing customer work that would benefit our bottom line), we are using very expensive equipment and valuable supplies on work that the company will get nothing for. This one sounds like a slam-dunk no-brainer to me. The way I see it, what our company president has done is completely wrong in every way. He is unfairly influencing company revenues, which in turn are reflected in our paychecks. Employees have endured many layoffs as well as a 5 percent to 10 percent pay cut. We have done our share to keep this company afloat, and the sacrifices that have been made make me resent his behavior even more. Strangely, NOBODY else in the company seems to care that we are being used this way. Am I being picky? 

—Perplexed

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Dear Perp,

Prudie cannot account for the indifference of your colleagues, but your take on this is perfectly correct, and if memory serves, it was for just such a shenanigan that Mrs. Helmsley went away for a while, guest of the feds. If the president of your company owns the business, you have no recourse except to tell him what he doing is wrong, unfair, and illegal. If your company has outside ownership, or heaven forefend, is a publicly held company, you certainly have every right to blow the whistle. Whatever you do will take courage, but it is worth doing and may be the best way to head off ulcers. Good luck.

—Prudie, supportively

Dear Prudie,

Please provide me with some guidance on an issue that is becoming overwhelming in my relationship with my soon-to-be husband. He is a wonderful person and has many great qualities, but he has a personal habit I can no longer ignore. Whenever we are in the car together, he becomes a foul-mouthed, angry man. He never swears during ordinary conversations, but somehow he sees the car as place to air out some of the worst cursing phrases I've ever heard. He raises his voice and lets out a long slew of terms for the other drivers—not that he isn't provoked from time to time. He wasn't always like this—he certainly didn't do this when we first met, and he is able to control himself when there are other people besides me in the car with him, but it's getting to the point where I am personally offended by his words and actions. He will cut me off midsentence to yell at Joe Schmo and then try to resume conversation like nothing has happened. He will stop his own stories AND phone conversations to let that green Explorer know that he's a ______ ________. I have asked him about the source of the swearing—when it started and why. Many years ago, he lived on the West Coast, driving up to three hours a day commuting to work. He says that swearing while driving helps him cope with traffic and allows him to "unwind" from the stress of driving, but our current daily commute is only 15 minutes, and I find his behavior irrational and upsetting. Please share your advise on this $%&*#!@ issue.

—Trapped in the Car

Dear Trap,

Your fiance's release of tension sounds like an issue falling somewhere between anger management and AAA. It is unfortunate for you that your intended is a potty mouth while driving, so here are a few ideas. Might you take over the driving duties when you're together? Or, because your daily commute is about 15 minutes, perhaps ask him to try to hold the swearing until, say, 20 minutes on the road. You also might consider going to a therapist who deals with anger management who could try to give your beloved better understanding, both of his own short fuse and your discomfort with the $%&*#!@ outbursts. It would also perhaps be useful to point out to him that, often, the offending driver does not hear him … but you do.

—Prudie, calmly

Dear Prudence,

What is the etiquette for responding to political e-mails from friends? Somehow I have managed to acquire a number of conservative friends, and I am being barraged with forwarded anti-French, pro-war, nuke-'em-all Republican treatises almost daily. (I don't know whether I'm more appalled by the text or by the fact that my friends must assume that I agree with them.) Yet when I respond to these—always polite, but firmly contradictory—I get either the cold shoulder or a wounded reply. My friends are more important to me than airing my political views, but I also feel obliged to let these folks know there's another side, and I'm on it. To these folks, is a liberal friend no friend at all? Should I just hit "delete" and leave them to their Fox News cocoon?

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Photograph of Prudie by Allan Penn.