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Dear Pru,

I've read about a few kinky carryings-on in your column but have never seen what I am dealing with. My boyfriend (and we are not kids) is seriously into the foot thing. He occasionally does things to my feet, but mostly he likes me to do things to his. I find feet, in general, kind of gross, but I must say that his are at least well-kept. Anyway, the "real" sex between us is wonderful, but I would like to know if he is a deviate who perhaps needs professional help.

—Louisiana Lady

Dear Lou,

Your feet-seeking missile is not a deviate, my dear, as the term is generally understood. And as kinks go, this one is (with apologies to Roger Ebert) two toes up. Because you say the "real" sex is good, this can be thought of as just a little something that turns him on. Foot fetishism, by the way, can take many forms. Your beau's inclination seems more "normal" than sniffing shoes, does it not? In any case, the B.F. is not a candidate for professional help ... unless it would be from a reflexologist, who would, of course, be paid to concentrate on his tootsies. Just try to think of your beloved's idea of foreplay as ... well, a footnote.

—Prudie, playfully

Dear Prudence,

My husband of more than 20 years said he would grant my request and quit smoking the day he proposed to me but never has. I've hung in there, puff after puff, hoping for him to make good on his promise. Now not only is his smoking killing him, it repels me. His coughing, hacking, and smoky odor is so unattractive to me, I am no longer at all interested in him sexually. We have two great teenage kids, so I think I should stick around a few more years until they're fledged while faking it. Your opinion, please?

—Smoked Out

Dear Smoke,

Faking what, my dear? But onward ... if you are inclined to stick around until your kids are grown up, fine with Prudie. But seeing as how your husband has not been able to keep his promise to you for more than 20 years, it is perfectly acceptable for you to Lysistrata him and say you will resume conjugal relations when cuddling up with him does not seem like getting it on with an ashtray.

—Prudie, odiferously

Dear Prudie,

My situation is this: I am currently dating a guy after a six-year break from one another. We were high-school sweethearts, separated for college, and recently, at 25, he contacted me, and we've begun dating again. Everything is GREAT ... with one exception. He has major issues with events that occurred during our time apart. I had a few flings in college, more sexual partners than he did, and he has a problem with this. He told me, "I just don't want to think of my girlfriend as ever being promiscuous or slutty." Such a double standard! How can I get him to forget the past and look toward our future? Will he ever get over it? Certain things on TV make him think of things ... and he told me he wishes he could have locked me away for the past six years to keep me untainted. Please help.