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Dear Prudence,

I live in a small town. A year ago, my husband committed suicide. I have two small children, and the woman I work with became close friends with me, and now we do almost everything together. She has been a dear companion and friend during the worst time of my life. She has never married and cares for her ailing sister, who lives with her. She is like a mother to my kids. The narrow-minded people in this town have decided that we are gay. Even my family has bought into this idea ... if everyone suspects it, it must be true! We have been discriminated against and ostracized from community activities as a result, and I am afraid that it will someday affect my children. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are not lovers and not even close to being gay. We are just good, dear friends who spend a lot of happy time together. How do I fight this, disrepute it, or change people's minds?

—Sadly Wondering

Dear Sad,

What a shame that judgmental people can cause such heartache. Prudie thinks it's wonderful that you have such a friendship and that it came to you at a most trying time in your life. As for outsiders' erroneous inferences, there is never a way to dispute their conclusions or change their minds, so forget about that. It sounds to Prudie as though you live in a very small town, and moving to a more metropolitan area seems out of the question because of your friend's sister—but it is something you might consider if at all possible. And if you are thought to be two lesbian ladies, so be it. Should this become an issue for your children, that will be the time to have a serious discussion about small-mindedness, tolerance, sexuality, and misperceptions. If yours is a happy home with this woman's participation, that's what counts.

—Prudie, acceptingly

Dear Prudie,

My husband works for his brother. The brother started a company, which has blossomed into a very successful enterprise. The brothers have done a good job of keeping business matters from disrupting family life, even when they don't agree about professional matters, etc. However, the brother has done something that can hardly help affecting the family. He may have impregnated the receptionist. She is definitely pregnant and definitely keeping the child. It is almost certainly the brother's, but she will have a paternity test after the child is born. My in-laws, so far as I know, do not realize that their son likely is the father, but they do know she is pregnant.

As luck would have it, I have not yet had occasion to speak with or see the receptionist, but I usually do have fairly regular contact with her, and we have always been friendly. My question: What should I say the next time I do see her or speak with her on the phone? I know this child was unplanned and unwanted (at least by my brother-in-law). I am assuming that, despite these suppositions, the proper thing to do is to congratulate her? It seems a tad strange, though, to be congratulating her on her unplanned pregnancy. I realize that, to a certain degree, I will just have to see how the not-so-happy couple proceeds and then follow their lead. (Brother-in-law has said he will provide financial support and will be active in the child's life if the baby is his, but he is uninterested in a lasting relationship with the receptionist outside of the office.) Any suggestions?

—SIL, Wonderingly

Dear S,

Well, if you speak to the receptionist on the phone, there will be no need to say anything—unless you're on a video-phone and she's standing up. When you see her, however, and she's showing, rather than "Congratulations!" you might just inquire how she's feeling ... thereby acknowledging the obvious without being inappropriately enthusiastic. The good news is that it sounds as though your brother-in-law is single because you say he is uninterested in a relationship outside the office. (Something he has obviously tried.) Probably the best thing you can do as this situation plays out is to treat this girl as you would any employee who's having a baby. If you're inclined to have a shower for her, for example, by all means, do. Good luck to one and all.

—Prudie, nonchalantly