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Dear Prudence,

I have a very good female friend who I see maybe once a month for a meal or shopping or a movie. I love her dearly as she is a lovely woman ... but my one pet peeve with her is something I am afraid other women also find annoying and that may drive some of them to not want to spend time with her. When saying goodbye, instead of a hug, or a wave, or a hand shake, or any other kind of friendly gesture, she always reaches around her friends' backs and snaps their bras. She will even grope around for a while to find the band. I have seen her do this with close friends and not-so-close friends. It's not like we're 12 years old; we are well into our 20s. Am I mistaken to think that even though this would be wildly inappropriate behavior from a man that it's passable behavior for a woman? Should I say something to her?

—36 B

Dear 36,

This girl sounds nuts ... or at best like a case of arrested development. Prudie doesn't know what a "nice" way to say this would be, but the message is this: Keep your hands to yourself because nobody appreciates having their brassieres snapped. Nobody has to put up with this. Tell her a simple "goodbye" will do nicely.

—Prudie, uncomprehendingly

Dear Prudie,

Is there any polite way to tell a friend that the clothes she wears are unsuitable for her? She is a size 24. Over the years she has put on about 130 pounds but still dresses as if she were a sylph. Sometimes the clothes are so tight you can see the cellulite underneath. It's made worse because mutual friends keep telling me how horrid she looks and "why don't I talk to her?" I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want her to be the laughingstock, either. What do you advise?

—Up in Arms

Dear Up,

Prudie is of two minds about this. One instinct is to say, well, she can see in the mirror; she knows about the articulated cellulite. The other instinct goes to a few lines of a Robert Burns poem (paraphrased, obviously): Oh, if God the giftie gie us/ to see ourselves as others see us. Perhaps a good friend would say, "Until you go down a few dress sizes, perhaps you should consider things that are a little more flattering than what you've been choosing." This may fall under the category of, "Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever." You could even offer to go shopping with her. Yes, now that Prudie is through thinking out loud, she thinks the answer is to clue her in, kindly and supportively. Do not mention the cellulite or the other friends weighing in, pardon the expression.

—Prudie, amicably

Dear Prudence,

I honestly think it may be time to end my relationship ... but I don't know why I'm having a hard time doing it. I don't trust my boyfriend, I don't believe a word he says, and I honestly believe he is cheating on me. I got his voice mail password and have sunk to the lowest of the low by checking his voice mail messages. Some girl keeps leaving him messages saying she's "crazy about him" and she can still "smell his scent on her pillow." I try subtly to bring this girl up, but he denies even knowing her. (I can't tell him I check his messages.) I really do believe in my heart that I love him and would do anything for him. But when he stays out all night and I don't see him until the next evening, or he disappears for hours and doesn't answer his cell phone, I want him gone. He keeps wanting to stay and promises that things will change, but they don't, and it's gotten to a very sad point. Please tell me if this relationship is worth saving.