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Dear Prudence,
My fiance confided to me that many years ago a teen-age relative tried to molest him when he was young. Thankfully, my fiance got away from him without anything happening to him, but he never told anyone. Well, the relative is now an adult and a director of a youth center, has his own children, and has sporadic contact with my fiance's nephew. Do we say anything? My fiance is hesitant, but we both are bothered by the implications. We have no idea if he has received psychological help or ever tried to sexually assault anyone else. I was considering writing a letter to the youth center, but these are very serious accusations. What is your advice?

—Caught in a Moral Dilemma

Dear Caught,
There really is no protocol for this kind of thing, except when a child tells a grown-up at the time. Prudie is in favor of getting things out in the open, however, so the fair thing would be to have the fiance talk openly with him. At the very least this would let him know someone is watching. Since nothing actually happened in the past (your fiance was not molested), Prudie doubts that any action could be taken. It's hard to know what is now going on with this man. The "molestation" incident could have been isolated, or this guy could be a major perpetrator. What you can do, though, is monitor his contact with your fiance's nephew. Someone with a legal background may have a different take on this.

—Prudie, protectively

Prudie,
"Lonely" wrote about her husband's excessive use of chat lines and his disk of pictures that were not "family material." There is help for Lonely, even if her husband won't get help. My husband was so addicted to online pornography that he lost his job. A 12-step group called Co-Addicts/Co-Dependents of Sexual Addicts has saved my life. I have found other women who have been through the same situation and who are thriving today. My 25-year marriage is very, very rocky, and I don't know if I will stay in the relationship, but I feel strong now, and I don't feel lonely anymore. COSA has a Web siteand a national hot line. Good luck, and I hope that someday soon Lonely will hear the comforting words, "Welcome to COSA."

—Grateful COSA Member

Dear Grate,
Prudie is also grateful, on behalf of the countless people—usually women—who have written about this relatively new but powerfully destructive problem. For those who are living with this situation and writing Prudie about it, please take note and write down the COSA Web address!

—Prudie, hopefully

Dear Prudie,
My best friend is an intelligent and fun person, but she has one trait that annoys me (and her other friends) no end: She is never on time for anything. When I go up to visit her, she is never at the station when I say I'm coming in, and I always end up having to call her from the pay phone near the parking lot. Only once in three years did she have a legitimate reason for her lateness. When she comes down to the city, she never gets it together in time to make the original plans work. She calls into work late more often than any person I know. I have given her watches as gifts, but she never wears them. When she told me she has a phobia about wearing anything on her wrist, I gave her a pendant watch (which she still does not wear). The clock in her car isn't even set to the correct time, although I know it works.