Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com.

Dear Prudence,

I have been married for 13 1/2 years. My wife, 49, is an Ob-Gyn physician. She counsels women about their weight constantly. The problem is she is overweight and has been for our entire marriage. She is about 5 feet 3 inches and weighs 200 pounds. She is a great cook and loves to eat. Throughout our marriage I have tried to set an example by exercising regularly. She has joined several gyms with "good intentions" but never follows through. I have asked her to go walking with me, but she always has "reasons" why she can't. I am extremely worried about potential health risks such as diabetes and cardiac disease due to her obesity. Any attempt to discuss her weight problem is interpreted by her as my trying to control and change her. She lies to others about her weight whenever asked (like at the airport or for health insurance purposes). She ignores the warnings and advice of other physicians; she just buys bigger clothes. We recently attended a conference where obesity was discussed. That night at dinner she smeared a ton of butter on her rolls anyway. Nothing I can say or do makes any difference. Should I just give up on her? I love her and want to help, but she doesn't want my help.

—Concerned Husband

Dear Con,

A smart psychiatrist once told Prudie something rather Zenlike that applies in spades to your dilemma: "All you can do is all you can do." Your suggestions and coaxing have fallen on deaf ears. This woman belongs in the chocolate cake wing of the Betty Ford Clinic—or a therapist's office—or a chapter of Overeaters Anonymous. Her choice to do nothing is a choice—for whatever reason. She may be, to paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut, committing suicide by chocolate mousse. She may be packing on the blubber to use as armor in the bedroom. She may be compensating for some emptiness in her life. The best thing for you to do is nothing, since you have made your position known. A severe weight problem, like alcoholism or drug addiction, can only be tackled when the person with the problem decides to do something about it. This is a classic case of, "Doctor, heal thyself."

—Prudie, resignedly

Dear Prudence,

I've been dating this girl for a little over two years. For most of that time we've been boyfriend and girlfriend. However, a month ago she decided she couldn't "handle" a relationship right now—except that we still go out, spend the night together, and say "I love you." Recently I've been pressing her on exactly why I've become an "Ummm ..." (A week ago she introduced me to one of her new co-workers by saying, "This is my ... ummm, Chris.") What is this supposed to mean?

—Confused in Dallas