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Faithful in Madison County

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Prudence,

Please help me! A week ago, my husband asked me if I was having an affair with someone in my office. The person he had in mind has been a friend of ours for 10 years, and we have often done things together as couples. About a year ago they split up. I am not having an affair, and I am not attracted to any of the men I work with. The only one for me is my husband. When he first confronted me with his suspicion I was shocked and assured him I was not having an affair. He apologized, and I assumed it was over and done with. But he surprised me last night by informing me that he was not completely convinced. All he could remember was how much it hurt when his ex had an affair, and he doesn't think he could live through that again. I do not know how to get through to him that he is the only one. I have even started to look for another job. Help!

—Sincerely,
Faithful in Iowa

Dear Faith,

Ah yes, other voices, other rooms ... the common fly in the marriage ointment. Your husband's insecurity is bubbling up, though it is in the realm of normality because he has been burned and is overly cautious. You might ask him what he thinks you could do to "prove" your loyalty, then go out of your way to reassure him ... inform him of your doings without being asked, for example. Try to be understanding about his distrust, but verbalize that you are NOT his first wife and that he must not generalize her betrayal as the behavior of all women. If his mistrust escalates, or even stays where it is, then he ought to shrink a little.

—Prudie, comfortingly

Dear Prudence,

I had a shocking experience with my parents' neighbor, who is about to get married next month. This guy had been a friend of the family for a long time, and I have known him for quite a while as "the neighbor kid." A couple days ago I went to my parents' house (they were out of town) to feed the dog, bring in the mail, etc., when this kid came over to return a magazine and to ask "a favor." He told me he had long been lusting after me and then asked if we could have sex right then and there—at which point he put his arms around me and tried to kiss me! I immediately pulled away and told him, "No." (I happen to be a newlywed, myself, and have never given this guy any encouragement.) The guy called the house later to apologize—and then continued to beg and plead for me to "do it" with him just this once! What I am wondering is if this guy's bride-to-be should know about this "incident" before she marries him.

—Yours respectfully,
Bothered

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