Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com.

Dear Prudence,

I will soon be earning a Ph.D., and my divorced parents, who live out of town, would like to attend the graduation ceremony and spend the weekend. It is important to me to share this with both of my parents, but the trouble is they hate each other. My father and stepmother will not voluntarily spend time with my mother who, for her part, only likes to be around them so she can show off her passive-aggressive charm. When I graduated from college, both parents came, and it was a nightmare. I ended up shuffling between them for tense visits and fending off complaints about the inequitable allotments of time. I want my folks to enjoy the moment, but I want to enjoy it, as well. As I enter my third decade of life AD (after divorce), I am getting tired of this. Any advice? How can I get them all to play nice?

—Confused at Caltech

Dear Con,

Since all your parents used the occasion of your college graduation to act out, Prudie decrees that it's a new day. What might be useful is to send identical letters saying you are requesting a truce on the part of the so-called grown-ups so that you can celebrate your great day without a "divorced people" war going on. You might articulate that if any of the recipients feels he or she is unable to be civil, it is your wish that that person forgo the festivities. Prudie thinks, well, hopes that seeing a direct request, in writing, will shape this crew up. And many congratulations on your achievement, Dr.

—Prudie, admiringly

Dear Prudence,

Having enjoyed your sage advice for nearly a year now, I must ask for some myself. After six months of marriage to a terrific man whom I've known for two years and lived with for one, I thought paying off consumer debt would be the hardest thing to work through as a new wife. But the other night life took a surreal turn. Husband announces he needs to talk to me, drops his wedding band in my palm, then blurts out, "I'm a fraud—I was never in the military and I made up everything I told you and others about my combat experience." He further explained that he began the story to "keep up with" some very colorful friends and the lie kept growing. Then he had an epiphany after my nearly referencing said military experience in front of his parents, who of course know whether he was or was not in the military.

I can understand the male need to tell of exploits and adventures, but I find myself wondering why he waited so long to set the record straight. I'm a bit confused as to whether this constitutes a major or minor betrayal of trust. In other respects, I have total trust in him, and we really are in love and best friends to boot. By the way, I told him to put the wedding band back on ... that I was more upset that he felt the need to lie in the first place than that he wasn't really an ex-soldier. Thanks for your continued excellent insights.