Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com.

Dear Prudie,

My friends and I regularly read your column and just love it! Shameless flattery aside, we do have an issue and hope you can help us. My brother-in-law is in a serious relationship with a friend of mine. I actually introduced them at my wedding. The problem is that my friend treats my brother-in-law (and everyone else, for that matter) like dirt. She yells at him, tells him what to do, what to wear, where to go, and how to spend his free time. She is moody and extremely unpleasant to everyone. Needless to say, I don't see much of her anymore. Anyway, we are afraid that my poor brother-in-law, who does not have the benefit of very much experience in relationships, will ask her to marry him.

My family, my husband's family, and our friends cannot stand her and dread having her at family gatherings--to the point where we are all trying to figure out how not to invite her to Thanksgiving or Christmas. In short, we want to say something to him because we know that there are women out there who will treat him with respect, courtesy, and affection. How can we tell him how we feel without making him feel totally alienated?

--Hopeful in Va.

Dear Hope,

Perhaps your brother-in-law views being emotionally slapped around as foreplay? The woman you describe sounds like a cross between a harridan and a dominatrix. However, even an inexperienced man knows when he is being treated like a dog in obedience school. Prudie wonders why he thinks this is all right. The loose thread here is that you say you don't see much of her anymore, but she was a friend. Did her behavior change?

In any case, since your brother-in-law's nearest and dearest want to keep Miss Congeniality away from holiday gatherings, Prudie suggests you and your coterie of concerned friends decide on a designated yenta (which is how it may be perceived) and that person must tell him flat out that people who care about him do not like the way he is being treated, and they see dark days ahead. He will either respond with a defense of his PMS poster girl, or confess that he is trying to end the relationship. Either way, he will be made aware of the concern, which is really all that outsiders can do. If he chooses to stay in the relationship and the next gathering is a nightmare, simply tell him the woman makes for too much discomfort and, although you will miss his presence, the greater good of the group takes precedence and not to plan on further get-togethers. Worst case scenario is that he will feel alienated, and his relationship with all of you will be strained ... but just as friends don't let friends drive drunk, neither do friends watch in silence as friends hook up with bitches.

--Prudie, directly

Dear Prudence,