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Dear Prudence,

About 10 years ago, after growing up in a family without an appreciation of "family values," I decided I didn't have much use for my relationships with my siblings. Both parents are deceased, and after numerous efforts to get along with my sibs, I just quit having any contact with them. This has alleviated a lot of stress in my life, and I really don't miss them at all. I have a great group of friends whom I consider my family. They are there for me like my actual siblings never were, and they understand the lack of contact.

The problem is that I run into people who, after knowing me for a while, are dumbfounded to find out I am not an only child, and they act like there's something wrong with me because I'm not in contact with my siblings. I keep hearing, "But they are your family!" I just figure I feel better mentally without the connection, and I should keep things the way they are. But all these "family" people think I should call and reconcile with them. Is there something wrong with me? Just because I'm related to them, am I really missing something by not having them in my life?

--Sincerely,

Happy Without

Dear Hap,

Yes, you are missing something: Sturm und Drang. Prudie thought this one through years ago because of a kindred situation, though not with your particulars. If a relationship is troublesome or destructive for whatever reason, and it's comfortable to sever communication, there is no reason to stay yoked to a bad situation as though one were part of a team of mules.

Prudie is familiar with "outsiders" offering the advice that you should just fix it up. Perhaps, in your case, it would be simpler to tell new friends that you are an only child ... because that is what you've made yourself, and this would end the awkward conversations. Nowhere is it written that children of the same mother and father have anything more in common than parents, and people who push the issue belong in a home for the intrusive.

--Prudie, experientially