Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com.

Dear Prudence,

I hope you will take a look at my situation. Four years ago I took in my younger brother (then 31 years old) who was down on his luck. I was divorced and raising two small children, and it really was nice to have the adult contact. I remarried a year later, but my brother doesn't seem to want to leave.

He has never had a place of his own--always staying with friends or relatives. He finally got a part-time job, but there's no way he could afford to live on his own. He pays me $40 a week room and board, which of course doesn't begin to cover his expenses. The worst part is that he has "borrowed" many things from my home and sold them for money. We have had so many discussions about this that now he just hides in my den (his bedroom), and I hardly ever see him. My husband tries to stay out of the line of fire and is no help at all. My friends tell me I am an enabler and that I should put him out, but I can't. I am his only family in the state and am so afraid that if I do, someday a policeman will knock on my door to tell me that they found my brother frozen to death in some paper box under a bridge! I know that I'm not doing him a service letting him stay, but what am I to do?

--Caring Sibling

Dear Care,

What a lovely sister you are. Now you must be a strong friend. He has no life living in your den and hocking your belongings. For your sake and his, he has got to go. Do not look at it as "putting him out," but rather steering him to an independent life. It sounds like there's an underlying emotional problem in his way. Get him in touch with a local mental health service. For example, he may be clinically depressed, in which case medication might jump-start a new and motivated life. Family Service America provides low-cost or free therapy and job training. Ask advice about arranging housing--maybe a group situation allied with a service group, perhaps someplace such as YMCA.

Painful as it may be, tough love is what's called for. If you can afford it, give him a stipend for a specified period of time as a tangible sign of your helping hand. That would also lessen any guilt you might have. Four years is a long time to provide a crash pad for anyone. If you don't do something soon, you may lose your husband and still have your brother hiding in the den. Much luck to you.

--Prudie, positively

Dear Prudie,