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Dear Prudie,

As a child of the '60s and '70s, I am more touchy-feely than Oprah. To most of my friends in my own age group, this is considered normal. (And I guess even to most of my friends in other age groups.) However, I am aware that one of my better friends is just too reserved for this invasion of his personal space. Despite resolving not to make him feel like he's being assaulted, I often forget myself when we are together and realize too late that I'm either sitting too close or talking too close or worse, being a hug-Nazi.

He tolerates this, though it clearly makes him nervous. He is tremendously enjoyable company, and I am accustomed to viewing affectionate gestures as rewarding someone for this. Could you offer me some helpful suggestions for being, well, more prudent?

--Affectionately,

Recidivist Hugger

Dear Re,

Prudie sees from your e-mail address that you are female (unless, of course, you've hopped on someone else's machine) and believes that touching friends is mostly a feminine trait. In any case, this is what the situation looks like from here: You have the habit of getting close and touching people; you are aware that in some instances this is regarded as an invasion of someone's personal space; you and the reluctant touchee are good friends; you would like to bag your habit of "rewarding" him with physical contact, but sometimes you just can't help yourself.

The key, it seems to Prudie, is that you are close friends, and that he tolerates it--though uncomfortably--while you want to accommodate his comfort zone. Why don't you annex humor and honesty to this dilemma and deal with it openly? Say to your chum something like: "I have this lunatic habit of touching my friends, and I also tend to get too close. I know this is not comfortable for you, so the next time you feel crowded, just say, 'Down girl, down.' " Well, you get the drift. The two of you should decide on a code phrase that suits you, and in time, Prudie predicts, there will be no discomfort at all--on either side.

--Prudie, spaciously