Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com.

Dear Prudence,

Here is an odd one for you. I am a transsexual woman (postoperative, many facial surgeries, voice surgery). I am a manager and programmer. Most of the time people have no idea, but in the work environment, everyone eventually knows. Most people are fine with it, but a few (always men) choose to act out in spectacularly inappropriate ways. The worst is in meetings with clients where a male manager will refer to me repeatedly as "he." This, of course, makes no sense to the client, who has no idea why the professional woman across the table is being referred to as a man. Things I have tried include taking the offender aside to ask that he use my given name (Jess or Jessica, as he wishes) instead of pronouns. If we're not in a client meeting and I have the clout, I sometimes take the person down on the spot--in the nicest way I can. Any cool suggestions or ideas?

--Jess

Dear Madame,

If anyone has earned the right to the feminine title, it is you. Prudie offers the following ideas to eliminate the insensitive hostility: You could send a memo, in-house, stating that if the pronoun problem persists, you will take your gussied-up self, along with your skills, to another firm. If it is a practical impossibility to leave, you might consider going to the person's superior and registering a formal complaint. If you have the figurative stones for it, you might respond to the digs made in front of clients with a remark such as, "You have to make allowances for (so-and-so). English as a second language can be so confusing." In other words, throw the discomfort on the other guy. The "outsiders" will not know what to make of the byplay, and Prudie guesses the needler will clam up. Maybe with the head-on sparring you can train these jerks one by one.

--Prudie, supportively

Dear Prudence,

My 24-year-old girlfriend has a roommate, also 24. The roommate's boyfriend has lived in their apartment (2 br/1 bath) for four months. He is 30, gainfully employed (Price Waterhouse), and pays no rent. Not a pizza, not a thank-you. The roommate's defense is: He is my BF and stays in my room. How do you collect rent due? And how much?

--Concerned in Atlanta