All Your 2013 Anniversary Coverage, Previewed in 2012

Arts, entertainment, and more.
Dec. 28 2012 11:02 AM

25 Years of Prozac, 100 Years of Crosswords

All your 2013 anniversary coverage, previewed in 2012.

Paris Hilton attends a party at Art Basel Miami Beach on December 7, 2012 in Miami Beach, Florida.
Paris Hilton

Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images.

It’s been a banner year for anniversary lovers. American Idol celebrated its 10th. YMAK that the text message turned 20. And snack aficionados are surely sad to bid farewell to the year that brought the 100th birthday of the Oreo. But the 2013 anniversaries are almost here, and the new ones are even better than a fresh pack of Double Stufs.

Next year will mark the 20th anniversary of “Anniversary,” the R&B hit from Tony! Toni! Toné! and the 50th of that “late December back in ’63” from the wedding reception favorite “Oh, What a Night.” Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code will be 10, and 100 years ago in Pittsburgh, the first modern drive-in gas station opened for business. Copy-starved editors will surely regale their readers with a host of stories marking these momentous events. Herewith, a handy, highly speculative guide to 2013’s anniversary coverage.

(A note on the selection process: 2013 marks the 50th anniversary of the JFK assassination and MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech, but articles on those events will be everywhere. We’ve chosen to focus on 10 slightly less momentous occasions that are likely to be commemorated in publications during the coming year.)

The 10th anniversary of Apple’s iTunes Store launch (2003)

Predicted publication: Wired

Predicted headline:

  • Most likely: “A Decade of Downloads
  • Possible: “Apple’s Core”
  • Least likely: “Ten Years of Forgetting Your Apple ID”

Sample opening sentence: “Prior to 2003, record stores were everywhere—real record stores, the kind with front doors, and bins, and posters on the wall.

Predicted sources for quotes:

Stock-art image prediction:

  • Most likely: iPad held in palm of hand, screen shows iTunes store
  • Possible: Giant, overflowing stack of iTunes gift cards
  • Least likely: Bill Gates + earbuds

The 10th anniversary of Steve Bartman’s bad night at Wrigley Field (2003)

Predicted publication: ESPN The Magazine

Predicted headline:

  • Most likely: “Please, Remain Seated!”
  • Possible: “Curses!”
  • Least likely: “No Big Deal: It Turns Out Everyone in Chicago Forgot All About the Whole Steve Bartman Thing and Decided To Forgive the Guy”

Sample opening sentence: “To this day, Mark Prior refers to Steve Bartman as, ‘That horse’s ass with the goofy Walkman headphones.’ ”

Predicted sources for quotes:

  • Most likely: Then-Cubs manager Dusty Baker
  • Possible: Ernie Banks
  • Least likely: Steve Bartman

Stock-art image prediction:

The 10th anniversary of the (first) Paris Hilton sex tape being leaked to the Internet (2003)

Predicted publication: BuzzFeed

Predicted headline:

  • Most likely: “10 Ways Kim Kardashian Benefited From the Paris Hilton Sex Tape”
  • Possible: “26 Absolutely Awesome and Amazing GIFs of Grandmas Looking Totally Appalled … in Commemoration of the 10-Year Anniversary of the Paris Hilton Sex Tape”
  • Least likely: “10 Reasons Why We Should Stop Fixating on Celebrity Sex Scandals”

Sample opening sentence: “If it wasn’t for the Paris Hilton sex-tape leak 10 years ago, Kim Kardashian wouldn’t be famous ... here’s why.” [Note: This is the only sentence of the story.]

Predicted sources for quotes:

Stock-art image prediction:

The 25th anniversary of Prozac hitting the U.S. market (1988)

Predicted publication: New York Times Magazine

Predicted headline:

  • Most likely: “The Feel-Good Anniversary”
  • Possible: “All Smiles”
  • Least likely: “Jagged Little Pills”

Sample opening sentence: “It’s 3:45 on a Thursday afternoon at a nondescript office park just outside of Newark, and a slight, balding man wearing pleated khakis and a three-button polo shirt has just finished leading a high-energy sales presentation on the latest in rubber membrane roofing technology.”

Predicted sources for quotes:

Stock-art image prediction:

The 25th anniversary of the first Wal-Mart Supercenter (1988)

Predicted publication: Time

Predicted headline:

Sample opening sentence: “It’s easy to forget that years before the Internet made such a thing old hat, Wal-Mart invented the notion of a magical place where shoppers could purchase anything they wanted, 24 hours a day—be it vegetables or vacuum cleaners.”

Predicted sources for quotes:

Stock-art image prediction:

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