Advice for a woman with wedding-party drama.

Advice on sticky friendship dilemmas.
May 4 2010 10:12 AM

My Jilted Bridesmaid Threatened To Kill My Fiance!

I left her out of the wedding party; now she's threatening to shoot my man.

(Continued from Page 1)

Also, you say you find Milly bitter, whiny, nasty, and exhausting. I wonder, then, why you ever became friends with her. Does she have other qualities that you actually enjoy? If the whole friendship was a mistake—and the better you got to know Milly, the more you realized you disliked her—then you should feel thankful to Milly for providing you with the perfect "out." But first, I suggest looking inside yourself and asking whether you're not having a middle-school moment that requires a grown up (you) to forgive and move on.

Friend or Foe

Dear Friend or Foe,

All of my friends are married off and have babies or are expecting. I love their children, and I couldn't be happier that they are happy to have little ones. The problem is that when I talk to these friends, it seems as if we have nothing in common anymore. No matter what subject I bring up, it always comes down to these women talking about their babies. They tell me they long for some "grown-up conversation." But when we talk, it's nothing but poopy diapers and sleepless nights.

Meanwhile, a rare genetic thing will likely leave me childless. (I'm 27.) I've made my peace with not having kids of my own. But while I've shared this fact with my friends, they constantly tell me that I need to have babies because I'd be a good mommy. How can I gently tell them that it hurts my feelings when they say this? And how can I get them to understand that a daily description of boogers and dirty diapers is TMI for me? I guess what I'm really asking is, how can I find a way to relate to my friends again?

Odd Woman Out


Dear OWO,

Short answer: You can't relate to them—at least not right now. Blame biology, but newborn-land is such a trippy, exhausting, thankless, and all-consuming experience that, to a certain extent, it requires the mommies to believe they've birthed Baby Jesus. But I promise that once their babes are a little older, all those friends will want to do is drink alcohol and discuss celebrity gossip when they're out of the house. In the meantime, I have two suggestions. You could move to New York, where lots of people don't even consider having kids until they're 37 or close to it. (One of my best friends had her first just shy of 40, her second at close to 43.) Or you could tell your boring, baby-obsessed friends that you find them boring and baby-obsessed (with a laugh, of course) and then work on adding some new, nonmating names to your circle of pals. I don't know where you live, but surely there are some other 27-year-olds out there with things on their minds besides infant excrement.

As for your own future, I'm very sorry to hear about your genetic issue. But if you DO end up wanting kids, the last few years have seen huge advances in reproductive technology. There is also a wonderful and rewarding—if costly and labor intensive (no pun intended)—thing called adoption. In the meantime, please go enjoy your youth—take trips, dance, fall in love—and stop wishing you were home changing diapers! Contrary to popular belief, life is long.

Friend or Foe



The Self-Made Man

The story of America’s most pliable, pernicious, irrepressible myth.

Does Your Child Have Sluggish Cognitive Tempo? Or Is That Just a Disorder Made Up to Scare You?

Mitt Romney May Be Weighing a 2016 Run. That Would Be a Big Mistake.

Amazing Photos From Hong Kong’s Umbrella Revolution

Rehtaeh Parsons Was the Most Famous Victim in Canada. Now, Journalists Can’t Even Say Her Name.


See Me

Transparent is the fall’s only great new show.


Lena Dunham, the Book

More shtick than honesty in Not That Kind of Girl.

What a Juicy New Book About Diane Sawyer and Katie Couric Fails to Tell Us About the TV News Business

Rehtaeh Parsons Was the Most Famous Victim in Canada. Now, Journalists Can’t Even Say Her Name.

  News & Politics
Damned Spot
Sept. 30 2014 9:00 AM Now Stare. Don’t Stop. The perfect political wife’s loving gaze in campaign ads.
Sept. 30 2014 10:44 AM Bull---- Market America is overlooking a plentiful renewable resource: animal manure.
Atlas Obscura
Sept. 30 2014 10:10 AM A Lovable Murderer and Heroic Villain: The Story of Australia's Most Iconic Outlaw
  Double X
Sept. 29 2014 11:43 PM Lena Dunham, the Book More shtick than honesty in Not That Kind of Girl.
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Sept. 30 2014 10:59 AM “For People, Food Is Heaven” Boer Deng on the story behind her piece “How to Order Chinese Food.”
Brow Beat
Sept. 30 2014 10:48 AM One of Last Year’s Best Animated Shorts Is Finally Online for Free
Future Tense
Sept. 30 2014 7:36 AM Almost Humane What sci-fi can teach us about our treatment of prisoners of war.
  Health & Science
Bad Astronomy
Sept. 30 2014 7:30 AM What Lurks Beneath the Methane Lakes of Titan?
Sports Nut
Sept. 28 2014 8:30 PM NFL Players Die Young. Or Maybe They Live Long Lives. Why it’s so hard to pin down the effects of football on players’ lives.