The Caped Consumer Crusader takes on Northwest Airlines et al.

Ready for vengeance, everyone?

It is I, the Great Shopping Avenger, reporting to you from the Great Hall of Consumer Justice, a k a the Shopping Avenger's poorly air-conditioned attic office.

The Shopping Avenger has had a terribly busy month (Aquaman never had it so busy), and he is pleased to report that demand for his services has grown exponentially. He is also disconcerted, because the sheer number of e-mails in response to last month's installment means that too many evil corporations are treating too many loyal consumers without regard for the basic norms of customer care, such as answering the phone and not calling customers bad names.

Before we turn to this month's shameful examples of corporate malfeasance, a couple of housekeeping notes:

1) Two dozen readers wrote to let the Shopping Avenger know they were pissed off by his use of the term "pissed off" in last month's column. The term "is offensive to anyone with any sense of courtesy, pride in themselves, décor of personality, and sense of decency," the vengeful reader R. wrote.

The Shopping Avenger notes that he possesses a great deal of "décor of personality." He also notes that many readers, driven to near madness by customer-service representatives, use strong language to describe their plights, and the Shopping Avenger is merely reflecting their anger. Though the Shopping Avenger offers this piece of advice: When writing to "consumer care specialists," or whatever they're being called today, do not use the honorific "asshole" by way of greeting. And remember: The assholes are the ones making seven-figure salaries. The people at the other end of the 800 line are lackeys and shills and running dogs, but they aren't assholes.

2) Speaking of lackeys, it has now been approximately 47 days since U-Haul spokeswoman Johna Burke promised to share her company's reservation policy with the Shopping Avenger. For those of you who missed the last episode, the Shopping Avenger attempted to help an aggrieved U-Haul customer who made a reservation for a truck, only to be told close to the time of pick-up that no such reservation existed.

Though U-Haul--apparently unimpressed by the supernatural power of the Shopping Avenger--has not deigned to provide answers, no fewer than 34 deputy Avengers e-mailed over the past month, complaining about U-Haul's reservation policy. "I reserved a U-Haul truck for a Saturday morning to be picked up at 8," one correspondent, T., reports. "I hired some help for the day to help me move. When I arrived that morning to pick it up, I was told it was not there yet. After much complaining, a few phone calls were made, and I was told the truck was 200 miles away."

T.'s complaint is entirely typical. Another member of the Avenging Brigade, B., wrote in to say this: "A U-Haul employee in Phoenix last 4^th of July weekend told me the company had 2,000 reservations in Phoenix that weekend and 600 available trucks. My truck was three days late, and I only got it by threatening legal action."

The Shopping Avenger will revisit the U-Haul issue each month until satisfactory explanations are provided. That is the least the Shopping Avenger can do for you, the pissed-off consumer.