But, in the event of a shopping disaster, settle for an apology and a big gift certificate.

Greetings, pissed-off consumers. It is I, the great Shopping Avenger, who has toiled without pause this past month (all right, I paused) to right the wrongs inflicted on the buying masses by the dark forces of turbocharged capitalism.

Before writing the first installment of this column last month, the Shopping Avenger had no idea that so many people would have so many complaints about so many different companies. The Shopping Avenger also had no idea so many people read Slate. The complaints, as Alan Simpson would say, have come pouring in over the transom. I received somewhere around 2.7 million e-mails from Slate readers asking for help in the battle against poor customer service. Perhaps it was fewer than 2.7 million, but not by much.

Only one correspondent was hostile: "You're probably just running a scam to collect a bunch of upscale e-mail addresses," he wrote, dyspeptically and inaccurately. I checked out his e-mail address--it's not upscale at all.

But most of you turned to me in good faith, and for this I am thankful. Alas, I am but one superhero, and could not come to the aid of all who beseeched me. So, for those of you asking highly technical questions concerning the operation of your personal computers, let it be known across the land that the Shopping Avenger still writes on papyrus. And for those of you who contributed not complaints but wacky observations, such as "I find it amazing how people will drive many miles out of their way to buy gas that is 5 cents cheaper," I thank you for your commentary.

Now, though, a few observations of my own, about the complaints (the understandable ones) I did receive.

1) The American consumer believes that the telephone is the instument of the devil.

2) The people who answer 1-800 lines are spawn of the devil or, at the very least, incredibly thick.

3) The typical corporation would much rather blow smoke than actually apologize for doing wrong.

4) American corporations do not yet understand the true power of the Shopping Avenger.

As an example of all four phenomena, I refer you now to the complaint of K., who is chagrined by the errant behavior of the U-Haul company.