Read more about Wall Street's ongoing crisis.
In yesterday's column on the plight of Swiss bank UBS, I asked readers to submit more apt definitions for the bank's acronymic name, which stands for Union Bank of Switzerland. And respond they did, with dozens of entries. Slate's crack Acronym Sorting Squad waded through the submissions and is pleased to announce the winners of the 2008 UBS Alternate Naming Contest:
Most popular (and said to be commonly used on Wall Street):
U Be Screwed
Best uses of "U" as a pronoun:
U Been Swindled
U Better Sell
U Bought Schlock
Most obvious uses of UBS's last two letters for the barnyard epithet:
Unrepentant Bulls*** Spreaders
Ubiquitous Bulls*** Shills
Unregulated Banking Sucks (the Life out of an Economy)
Best uses of "ululating":
Ululating Bunglers Swoon
Ululating Bray of Shame
Best German wordplay:
Best English wordplay:
UBS is what the company looks like after being thrown under the B-U-S.
Most concise encapsulation of UBS's woes:
Unhedged Bets. Shoot!
Most apt descriptions of UBS's business practices:
Ultimate Bumbling Securitizers
Untimely Buying Subprime
Unbelievably Bad Supervision
Underwriters of Bogus Switcheroos
Unscrupulous Brokers Society
Ultimate Banking Stupidity
Unusually Bad Standards
Users' Bullion Squandered
Most hyperbolic moral condemnations:
Unforgiven Banking Scumbags
United Bankrupt Swindlers
Underhanded Baksheesh Scallywags
Universally Broke Shills
Union of Barbaric Swine
Best generalizations from the particular:
Unconscionable Banking System
Umpteenth Banking Scandal
Ugly Burgeoning Stain
Unending Bonanza of Stupidity
Uppity Bankers Shame
Best admonition for future investors:
Use Better Sense
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