Now meet The Donny.

One law of the tabloid universe is that any given niche can be occupied by one—and only one—celebrity. The Austrian-born movie-star governor? Arnold has it covered.

But now New York City is suffering a celebrity traffic jam. The blowhard, narcissistic, tough-talking, celebrity businessman-turned-media-creature with monosyllabic Germanic last name—a spot owned by Donald Trump for 20 years—is now being shared. It is Trump's own fault. Trump may be trying to groom Martha Stewart, but his real apprentice is adman Donny Deutsch. Dopplegänger Deutsch parlayed appearances on the first season of The Apprentice into a talk show and now a book, Often Wrong, Never in Doubt. To clear up confusion, Slatehas prepared a handbook to help fans distinguish between The Donald and The Donny.

Rich, distinguished, low-key father who helped brash son get started in the business:
The Donald: bigtime developer Fred Trump.
The Donny: bigtime adman David Deutsch.

Queens, N.Y., neighborhood in which mogul was raised:
The Donald: Jamaica Estates.
The Donny: Hollis Hills.

Year graduated from University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School of Business:
The Donald: 1968.
The Donny:  1979.

Trademark narcissistic behavior:
The Donald: putting his name on phallic skyscrapers.
The Donny: checking himself out in mirrors.

Primetime show on NBC-owned network with disappointing ratings:
The Donald: The Apprentice 4, on NBC.
The Donny: The Big Idea With Donny Deutsch, on CNBC.

Inappropriate behavior on set:
The Donald: ogling young hotties in the boardroom.
The Donny: leering at porn-star Jenna Jamison.

Number of divorces:
The Donald: two.
The Donny: one, and one separation.

Fashion faux pas:
The Donald: '80s-vintage power suits, massive cuff links.
The Donny: muscle T-shirts.