Jaguar's foolish "gorgeous" ads.

Advertising deconstructed.
Dec. 26 2005 7:47 AM

Gorgeous, Drop Dead!

Jaguar's foolish new ad campaign.

Click image to expand.

The Spot: An announcer repeats the word "gorgeous" over and over (sometimes using it in sentences: "Gorgeous deserves your immediate attention"), while we gaze at a series of grade-A hotties. The women frolic around in skimpy cocktail dresses. Sometimes we catch a brief glimpse of a Jaguar automobile. Always lurking in the background is a well-dressed, older man—precisely the sort of gray-haired lecher this ad campaign is targeting. (To watch the spot, click here, and then click "view the film.")

Seth Stevenson Seth Stevenson

Seth Stevenson is a frequent contributor to Slate. He is the author of Grounded: A Down to Earth Journey Around the World.

Several readers have asked me to write about this Jaguar ad. They have all summarized their feelings as, basically: Yuck. And I agree. I was tempted to write a one-word review—"Yuuuuuuuck"—but since Ad Report Card is about going the extra mile, I'll elaborate.

Advertisement

First, let's be clear on the message. The message is: Buying a Jaguar = Buying a flawlessly sexy 24-year-old woman. With lines like "Gorgeous pays for itself in the first five seconds" and "Gorgeous is worth it," the ad leaves no doubt that both these items are for sale.

Sometimes it gets a tad blurry. Is "gorgeous" the car, or is "gorgeous" the girl? Or does buying the car assign you title to the girl, like she's a factory option? Either way, have no fear, old man—the moment you're handed the keys you'll be grooving with hot chicks.

In some ways, I admire the chutzpah here. This is not just a retrograde cliché (old rich guy buys expensive sports car, feels it will give him access to forbidden world of fashion models). This is a defiant reclamation of a retrograde cliché. No subtlety. No apology. No bones about it.

And oh, how I love the consumer stand-in they've cast. An impossibly taut middle-aged dude, with aviator sunglasses and a thatch of silver hair. His crisp white shirt is unbuttoned midway down his hairless sternum. Hey, that could be you, pal! (What's funny is the guy still looks out of place amid the sexy young things. Who invited Gramps?)

But it's the idiotic "gorgeous" monologue, read by an off-camera Willem Dafoe, that really seems to get people's goats. Here, I offer a selective refutation of the choicest lines:

"Gorgeous has no love for logic." Indeed, there is no logical reason to buy a Jaguar. Perhaps this is why Jaguar sales are down 44 percent this year. (Most other luxury auto brands have held steady or improved their numbers.)

"Everyone cares what gorgeous says. Gorgeous gets in everywhere." It is true that people pay attention to sexy 24-year-old women, and that these women get admitted to velvet-rope nightclubs. However—contrary to the ad's suggestion—owning this car in no way guarantees that you will date a sexy 24-year-old woman. (Or even a mildly attractive 36-year-old woman, because she's out of your league, too.) So, know this, paunchy old man who is all by his lonesome: You will not get into clubs if you buy a Jaguar. (And no one cares what you say. You are too old.)

"Gorgeous doesn't care at all what others are doing." Others are buying Audis and BMWs. I know you don't care at all, gorgeous, but that's how it is. I refer you again to the sales numbers.

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

Talking White

Black people’s disdain for “proper English” and academic achievement is a myth.

Hong Kong’s Protesters Are Ridiculously Polite. That’s What Scares Beijing So Much.

The One Fact About Ebola That Should Calm You: It Spreads Slowly

Operation Backbone

How White Boy Rick, a legendary Detroit cocaine dealer, helped the FBI uncover brazen police corruption.

A Jaw-Dropping Political Ad Aimed at Young Women, Apparently

The XX Factor
Oct. 1 2014 4:05 PM Today in GOP Outreach to Women: You Broads Like Wedding Dresses, Right?
Music

How Even an Old Hipster Can Age Gracefully

On their new albums, Leonard Cohen, Robert Plant, and Loudon Wainwright III show three ways.

How Tattoo Parlors Became the Barber Shops of Hipster Neighborhoods

This Gargantuan Wind Farm in Wyoming Would Be the Hoover Dam of the 21st Century

Moneybox
Oct. 1 2014 8:34 AM This Gargantuan Wind Farm in Wyoming Would Be the Hoover Dam of the 21st Century To undertake a massively ambitious energy project, you don’t need the government anymore.
  News & Politics
The World
Oct. 1 2014 12:20 PM Don’t Expect Hong Kong’s Protests to Spread to the Mainland
  Business
Moneybox
Oct. 1 2014 2:16 PM Wall Street Tackles Chat Services, Shies Away From Diversity Issues 
  Life
Outward
Oct. 1 2014 6:02 PM Facebook Relaxes Its “Real Name” Policy; Drag Queens Celebrate
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 1 2014 5:11 PM Celebrity Feminist Identification Has Reached Peak Meaninglessness
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Oct. 1 2014 3:24 PM Revelry (and Business) at Mohonk Photos and highlights from Slate’s annual retreat.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Oct. 1 2014 9:39 PM Tom Cruise Dies Over and Over Again in This Edge of Tomorrow Supercut
  Technology
Future Tense
Oct. 1 2014 6:59 PM EU’s Next Digital Commissioner Thinks Keeping Nude Celeb Photos in the Cloud Is “Stupid”
  Health & Science
Science
Oct. 1 2014 4:03 PM Does the Earth Really Have a “Hum”? Yes, but probably not the one you’re thinking.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Oct. 1 2014 5:19 PM Bunt-a-Palooza! How bad was the Kansas City Royals’ bunt-all-the-time strategy in the American League wild-card game?