"Let me say what everyone knows, Chuck: Fuzzy Peeples has not been himself since all-star center Harry Chester went to Rochester. When Harry was here, Fuzzy was a bear, but after Fuzzy had no Harry, Fuzzy just wasn't Fuzzy, was he?"
"With a one-point lead, the Big Bangs go into a four-corner stall. Peters passes to Pippins, over to Xiang, now to Jethro Throne. Foul called! Robert Beatty-Buggins bumped him! Robert Beatty-Buggins bumped him! Walla Walla's in a one-and-one, and Jethro will throw three free throws. Brad, is that the best slowdown you've ever seen?"
"Chuck, when I was in Arkansas, I saw a stall that could out-stall any stall I ever saw. They could move a ball all a game, willy nilly, à la Walla Walla."
"Oh, my! Jethro Throne has underthrown three free throws. Ashtabula ball! Seconds remaining. Peppers passes to Boate. MAKES AN INCREDIBLE SHOT! TROY BOATE! TROY BOATE! TROY BOATE! Ashtabula by one!
"Five seconds—four—Walla Walla ball! Xiang puts up a desperation heave! HE MADE IT! HE MADE IT! OHHEEOOH-HAHA! CHING XIANG! WALLA WALLA BIG BANGS WIN!"
TODAY IN SLATE
Don’t Worry, Obama Isn’t Sending U.S. Troops to Fight ISIS
But the next president might.
The Extraordinary Amicus Brief That Attempts to Explain the Wu-Tang Clan to the Supreme Court Justices
Amazon Is Officially a Gadget Company. Here Are Its Six New Devices.
The Human Need to Find Connections in Everything
It’s the source of creativity and delusions. It can harm us more than it helps us.
How Much Should You Loathe NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell?
Here are the facts.
The Plight of the Pre-Legalization Marijuana Offender
What should happen to weed users and dealers busted before the stuff was legal?