Alumni Notes From Selective State University

May 17 2000 11:30 PM

Alumni Notes From Selective State University

You knew them when. 

(Continued from Page 1)

"As puss
on a gangrenous wound,
—L. Patrick Milwood, Poetry, '89.


Theseus, Classics, Bronze Age, reports that he has slain the Minotaur in the Labyrinth, defeated the centaurs, and united Athens as one city-state. 

Darren Hasselhoff, Law, '83, celebrated his expulsion from the Rhode Island bar by opening a private detective agency. His clients include the Alumni News.

Consequently, we know that Angeline MacWilliams, Communications, '97, is circulating a résumé that contains several outright lies.

And that Andrew Neary, Physics, '91, is no longer able to buy automobile insurance.

"I find myself becalmed by ambiguity," writes Becky Alt, Philosophy, '75. "I have no real values—it all seems relative—which is not to say that that's necessarily bad."

Brother Columba Kelty, Religious Studies, '61, has achieved "the peace that surpasseth all understanding."

But getting back to Mr. Hasselhoff, he predicts that David Witherspoon (as he now calls himself), Russian Studies, '71, will make a prompt and generous gift to his alma mater if he knows what is good for him.

Sandy Quince, Fine Arts, '84, is "Patient L" in the national best-seller Dysfunction: The Confidential Files of a Sex Therapist. (Mr. Hasselhoff made her the same offer, but she chose to call his bluff.)

Abelard Mourningdove, the last surviving member of the Class of 1913, recently marked his 105th birthday with this missive to his alma mater, "For the love of the sweet baby Jesus, take me off this damned mailing list." Happy Birthday Abe, and thanks for your recent gift! The negatives are in the mail. 

Howard Mansfield is the author of The Same Ax, Twice: Restoration and Renewal in a Throwaway Age.

Jim Naughton is the author of Catholics in Crisis: The Rift Between American Catholics and Their Church.



The Democrats’ War at Home

How can the president’s party defend itself from the president’s foreign policy blunders?

Congress’ Public Shaming of the Secret Service Was Political Grandstanding at Its Best

Michigan’s Tradition of Football “Toughness” Needs to Go—Starting With Coach Hoke

A Plentiful, Renewable Resource That America Keeps Overlooking

Animal manure.

Windows 8 Was So Bad That Microsoft Will Skip Straight to Windows 10


Cringing. Ducking. Mumbling.

How GOP candidates react whenever someone brings up reproductive rights or gay marriage.

Building a Better Workplace

You Deserve a Pre-cation

The smartest job perk you’ve never heard of.

Hasbro Is Cracking Down on Scrabble Players Who Turn Its Official Word List Into Popular Apps

Florida State’s New President Is Underqualified and Mistrusted. He Just Might Save the University.

  News & Politics
Sept. 30 2014 9:33 PM Political Theater With a Purpose Darrell Issa’s public shaming of the head of the Secret Service was congressional grandstanding at its best.
Sept. 30 2014 7:02 PM At Long Last, eBay Sets PayPal Free
Sept. 30 2014 7:35 PM Who Owns Scrabble’s Word List? Hasbro says the list of playable words belongs to the company. Players beg to differ.
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 30 2014 12:34 PM Parents, Get Your Teenage Daughters the IUD
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Sept. 30 2014 3:21 PM Meet Jordan Weissmann Five questions with Slate’s senior business and economics correspondent.
Brow Beat
Sept. 30 2014 8:54 PM Bette Davis Talks Gender Roles in a Delightful, Animated Interview From 1963
Future Tense
Sept. 30 2014 7:00 PM There’s Going to Be a Live-Action Tetris Movie for Some Reason
  Health & Science
Medical Examiner
Sept. 30 2014 11:51 PM Should You Freeze Your Eggs? An egg freezing party is not a great place to find answers to this or other questions.
Sports Nut
Sept. 30 2014 5:54 PM Goodbye, Tough Guy It’s time for Michigan to fire its toughness-obsessed coach, Brady Hoke.