8) June-July: "A President With Pride." This will subtly reinforce our anti-Clinton message while distracting press attention from the governor's scheduled three weeks of policy briefings on the yacht at Kennebunkport. Ideally, we would use this time to schedule Judge Starr's valuable endorsement.
9) Convention: We concur with Poppy's idea of unleashing Dan Quayle in a nationally televised keynote address. Latest draft of his speech has him calling George "A Father With Faith." This introduces our candidate to the wider electorate, nails down the anti-Murphy Brown vote, and adroitly sets the stage for the rest of our launch schedule.
10) Sept. 1-15: "An Insurgent With Integrity." This will blunt McCain's third-party bid while confirming our core message that we really want to do things differently in Washington. Leaks to Bob Novak and the Washington Times give us powerful inside-the-Beltway buzz
11) Sept. 15-30: "A Suburbanite With Soul." We especially like this bold play for the Democratic base. Polling shows that this theme should dramatically expand our share of the urban African-American vote (from 4 percent to 6 percent) while appealing to hipper swing voters in the edge cities.
12) Oct. 1-30: "A Centrist With a Center." This returns to our twin strengths: a candidacy that has a real message and a candidate who has real morals.
13) Oct. 31-Election Day. In a surprise move that upsets the plans of the other candidates, we finish with a slogan that is testing extraordinarily well, conveying both a Bold Leader of the Free World message and a Guy Next Door quality: "A Golfer With Guts."
We are pretty sure this killer closer will demonstrate that Al Gore and John McCain are both amoral elitists who are out of touch with what real Americans are really like.
14) Inauguration Day: Outline vision of "Compassionate Conservatism."
Approved _____ Disapproved _____
TODAY IN SLATE
Meet the New Bosses
How the Republicans would run the Senate.
Even by Russian Standards, Moscow’s Anti-War March Was Surprisingly Grim
The Government Is Giving Millions of Dollars in Electric-Car Subsidies to the Wrong Drivers
The Best Thing About the People’s Climate March in NYC
Friends Was the Last Purely Pleasurable Sitcom
This Whimsical Driverless Car Imagines Transportation in 2059
Did America Get Fat by Drinking Diet Soda?
A high-profile study points the finger at artificial sweeteners.