In an exclusive interview with himself, a lesser god of public radio explores his feelings about the Lord of Lake Wobegon.

(Note: Garrison Keillor's new book, Me by Jimmy (Big Boy) Valente as Told to Garrison Keillor, was published Monday. The publisher describes it as "an uproarious political satire about a professional wrestler who's elected governor.")

What have you got against Garrison Keillor?

Me: Nothing.

Come on, you're talking to me.

Me: Nothing, really. Just one time (this was years before I was a second-tier public radio personality) I went to see his show at the Tech College, caught him out in the corridor, and lied to him about how much I liked his show (really, he talks so slow it makes me nervous, plus all that lip noise indicating introspection being released into the atmosphere) and, silly boy, launched into how I was doing a live daily radio show from a greasy spoon and all, and he looked at me and said, "Do you know where the bathroom is?" I did, having just been there. But I vowed on the spot that, should I ever be in a position to be accosted by fans, or faux fans, in a hallway, wanting to tell me about their life, I would always have something more constructive to say.

Unless you really have to pee.

Me: True. But I try to emulate country music stars--they may be assholes, but they're great to their public.

Working on the asshole part?

Me: You should talk.

Right. So what besides that?