Monica goes film noir.

By Matt Miller

(posted Tuesday, March 24)

The living room of Monica Lewinsky's apartment at the Watergate. A visibly distraught Monica paces. She picks up Time and Newsweek, which feature Kathleen Willey on the cover, from a coffee table. She looks at the magazines for a moment, then throws them to the floor with a shriek. She goes to the bar, puts three ice cubes in a glass, pours a drink, lights a cigarette. She walks to the window and pulls back the drawn curtain to peek out. The door opens, and William Ginsburg enters. He drops his briefcase and removes his coat, exhausted.

ML: Where've you been? You've been gone all f**king day.

WG: They wouldn't let me leave. There were eight of them. The only call they let me make was to your mother. She'll be here on the next train.

ML: What's their bottom line?

WG: It's not pretty. They say we have no choice--we either take a one hour special and call it a day, or they walk. No book tie-in, no movie of the week, no cable, no foreign rights.

ML: No foreign? Look, if you think I'm going to sit here while Kathleen f**king Willey walks off with this scandal, you're mistaken. I made this thing. I wiggled my buns for a year to get those pizzas into the Oval, and she thinks she can waltz in with this [mock whine] "He put my hand there" crap? Have you seen how many times they've played that clip today? I told you we'd strung them out too long. I want Diane Sawyer down here now. I want Ted f**king Koppel doing a town hall meeting with me on a stool. I'll let Katie stay the night to do an exclusive on "prisoner at the Watergate." No--[she smiles]--make that Matt Lauer ...

WG: They don't think ABC or NBC will play. After the Willey thing, you're starting to look like a rerun. Plus, Rather's already spreading the word that everybody gets those presidential trinkets when he comes back from trips.

ML: Think. We've got to think.