See Spot Strut
The grim spectacle of the Westminster dog show.
Of the many types of humans who might enjoy the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show—dog fanatics, statisticians, satirists—I am not one.
On the vast kelly green carpet at Madison Square Garden, dogs that looked like children or Gaultier clothes trotted for six hours of TV time on Monday and Tuesday (USA, 8-11 p.m. ET) while I counted the minutes. Early on, I realized that Best in Show,Christopher Guest's and Eugene Levy's movie sendup of this yearly folly, had wrung the readily available humor out of it. I was stuck. I couldn't take the afternoons straight, nor could I derive new pleasure in thinking: This is lunacy.
On display were men in suits and women in sequins jogging dogs in circles for the stern appreciation of judges. In voice-over banter came a never-ending loop of inanity:
"Beautiful dogs."
"Soft and silky coat."
"Great little dog."
"Walks all the way around."
"I'm from Maryland."
"There's Charles."
"How hard is your heart beating?"
Virginia Heffernan is a television critic for The New York Times. Her book, The Underminer, which she wrote with Mike Albo, comes out in February.
Photograph of Best in Show from Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show by Mike Segar/Reuters.