As Seen on Television

A weekly poem, read by the author.
Feb. 7 2001 3:00 AM

As Seen on Television

If Daddy held a steady job
I'd learn my long division.
I'd be a smiling Kool-Aid kid—
as seen on television.

If Daddy didn't drink all night,
I'd master cell division,
I'd be like that Doogie Howser kid—
as seen on television.

If Mom cooked supper every night,
I'd know Dred Scott's decision
like a four-eyed geek on College Bowl—
as seen on television.

If Mommy didn't cry all day,
I'd sneer French like a rich Parisian
or lisp it like the passionate skunk—
as seen on television. 

Andrew Hudgins' most recent book is Shut Up, You're Fine: Poems for Very, Very Bad Children. His new book American Rendering: New and Selected Poems is due out in April.  He teaches at the Ohio State University.

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