We were taught, in those years,
never to speak of good fortune.
To not speak, to not feel—
it was the smallest step for a child
of any imagination.
And yet an exception was made
for the language of faith;
we were trained in the rudiments of this language
as a precaution.
Not to speak swaggeringly in the world
but to speak in homage, abjectly, privately—
And if one lacked faith?
If one believed, even in childhood, only in chance—
such powerful words they used, our teachers!
Disgrace, punishment: many of us
preferred to remain mute, even in the presence of the divine.
Ours were the voices raised in lament
against the cruel vicissitudes.
Ours were the dark libraries, the treatises
on affliction. In the dark, we recognized one another;
we saw, each in the other’s gaze,
experience never manifested in speech.
The miraculous, the sublime, the undeserved;
the relief merely of waking once more in the morning—
only now, with old age nearly beginning,
do we dare to speak of such things, or confess, with gusto,
even to the smallest joys. Their disappearance
approaches, in any case: ours are the lives
this knowledge enters as a gift.
