Sad Song Scenarios
The contributors to Mr. Beller's Neighborhood describe horrifying song scenarios. Example: "Seeing my high school psychology teacher try to get some tail at the town jock bar while singing 'Cheeseburger in Paradise,' by Jimmy Buffet at bar close."

Bush to California: Drop (Literally?) Dead
Matt Miller says the Bush administration is conducting " a campaign of revenge on Golden State voters."

Fact or Fallacy?
The Santa Cruz Sentinel reports that some people are upset by their neighbor's "allegedly phallic tree. ... Viewed from the front, the hedge looks to have testicles, or perhaps bosoms."