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God Didn’t Make This Tree

Sad Song Scenarios
The contributors to Mr. Beller’s Neighborhood describe horrifying song scenarios. Example: “Seeing my high school psychology teacher try to get some tail at the town jock bar while singing ‘Cheeseburger in Paradise,’ by Jimmy Buffet at bar close.”

Bush to California: Drop (Literally?) Dead
Matt Miller says the Bush administration is conducting ” a campaign of revenge on Golden State voters.”

Fact or Fallacy?
The Santa Cruz Sentinel reports that some people are upset by their neighbor’s “allegedly phallic tree. … Viewed from the front, the hedge looks to have testicles, or perhaps bosoms.”