Slate readers pick their five worst date movies of all time.

If Slate readers have learned one thing from their disastrous movie dates, it's that you need to do your homework before heading to the multiplex. Last week, I asked you for your nominations for the worst date movie of all time. (My pick was Closer, because it was unexpectedly cynical about love.) Almost 500 of you sent in tales of cinematically induced romantic woe via e-mail, and others shared their unfortunate choices in the comments below the original article or on our Facebook page. The funniest movie-date disasters were almost always due to misinformation, or a complete lack thereof.

Such mishaps were especially frequent in the pre-Internet days. Craig, a self-described conservative dude, went to see The Crying Game on a first date with a fellow churchgoer "before anyone knew the gotcha." There was no second date.

Extremely graphic or highly dysfunctional sex was another theme of your stories. In the chaste early days of a relationship, nothing kills the mood like some weird on-screen hanky-panky. In Looking for Mr. Goodbar, for example, Diane Keaton's character cruises bars looking for abusive guys who will smack her around in the sack. Reader Neal tells of a terrible high-school date that started with Mr. Goodbar and concluded with a fender-bender. "The night ended with me sliding my mom's Dodge Dart in to a snow bank, and wrecking the transmission trying to get out. And I STILL tried to make out with Debbie." The backseat of the Dodge Dart remained cold that evening.

Readers really hated (500) Days of Summer as a date movie, for much the same reason I chose Closer. Summer was marketed as a warm romance, but its real message about love is depressing. "Zooey Deschanel's sweet, vapid stare and Joseph Gordon-Levitt's earnest mumble are cute enough," writes James, "but the ultimate message of the movie is, 'We can have fun at IKEA, but you ain't the one for me.' Which is exactly what my lady and I thought as we looked at each other." Bummer, James.

TheCrying Game, Looking for Mr. Goodbar, and (500) Days of Summer are all highly unrecommended, but they did not make the top-five worst date movies ever according to Slate readers. Here are the movies that came up most often in your e-mails and comments:

The Shape of Things: Just one of several movies written or directed by Neil LaBute to crop up in your messages: I also got many e-mails suggesting that bringing a date to In the Company of Men or Your Friends and Neighbors was a one-way ticket to getting dumped. The Shape of Things is about Evelyn (Rachel Weisz), a manipulative artist and her boyfriend, Adam (Paul Rudd), a weak-willed schlub who is essentially Evelyn's puppet. After watching The Shape of Things with a potential significant other,reader Nick asks,"How could you possibly believe dating has any honorable intentions?"

Blue Velvet: As is the case with LaBute, the entire oeuvre of director David Lynch is probably best avoided until you're going steady. Mulholland Drive and Eraserheadalso got votes, as Lynch's terminal weirdness is not everyone's cup of tea. Reader Terence took his now-wife to see the mysterious thriller Mulholland Drive on their third date because he thought it would be a great conversation piece. "By the time the psychedelic shrunken elderly people crawled out of that paper bag she was sobbing her eyes out." While a couple can survive Mulholland, apparently, Blue Velvet can be too much for young love to bear. Velvet is about the seedy underbelly of a seemingly normal town; since Lynch's notoriously labyrinthine plots are so hard to summarize I'll just mention that there's a severed ear involved. Reader John tells this harrowing tale:

Sophomore year I had a crush on a born again Christian who was extremely sheltered. We didn't want to go to a drunken frat party for a date (which was the primary activity at our tiny school), so I suggested she come over to watch a DVD. I didn't own any, so I went to the college library to borrow one, and I saw Blue Velvet. What a alluring title, it must be romantic! I like blue, women like fabrics. Can't miss, right?