Plot Holes: Along Came a Spider

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May 3 2001 11:30 PM

Plot Holes: Along Came a Spider

Slate provides the missing scene!

(Continued from Page 2)



Yeah. I stayed up all night working on it. In fact, I even created a nifty graphics program that outlines most of the major points in it. I've saved it on the hard drive of my computer. Pretty much, if you boot up my home computer—BAM! There are my plans, laid out for you to unravel in a matter of seconds. Like most criminal masterminds, I like to store stuff like that on my hard drive.


Do you think that's such a good idea?


Oh, it'll be fine. It's password-protected with a phrase that's nearly impossible to guess, unless you're some sort of supergenius psychiatrist-detective and I happen to have mentioned that phrase and how very, very, very important it is to me. But what are the odds of that ever happening?


Yeah, I suppose you're right. But there are still some things I'm unclear on: How do you know that Soneji's not simply going to kill the girl? And how do you know what sort of voice-distortion device Soneji will be using? And how are we going to manage to kidnap a child from the kidnapper? I mean, won't he hide her, and safeguard her, in order to prevent rescuers from getting to her? Like, what if he hides her on a boat? How will we manage to sneak in and take her from him?


Oh Ben, I was hoping not to have to tell you this: I'm actually secretly a brilliant criminal witch with magical powers of deduction and foresight. And I can fly, look!

[JEZZIE suddenly zips about the room at lightning speed.]



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