If you have ever had the misfortune to listen to Christian pop music, you have surely noticed that it is truly, undeniably, irredeemably rotten. Almost without exception, it is flaccid weeny garbage, lame knockoffs of boy-band pabulum and quiet storm ick. If this is the heavenly choir, I'll take hell. (In fairness, I once heard a not-bad Christian reggae album with a world-class title: Nothing To Dread.)
So pay tribute to Nancy Mari, whose Re-Versed Lyrics, is a Web site of "Christian lyrics that can be sung to popular tunes." Re-Versed Lyrics has no sound clips, only text. Even so, it's a gift for Christians who demand decent music. Instead of listening to the latest dreck from Third Day or Amy Grant, you can groove to Lou Bega's "Mambo #Five," reborn as " Praise Number Five."
A little bit of Jesus in my life,
A little bit of heaven by my side,
A little bit of goodness is what I need,
A little bit of God's work is what I see.
A little bit of wonder in his Son …
The Beatles "Revolution" becomes a song about creationism, " Evolution":
You believe in evolution—well, you know,
it's a thought-provoking view
I think it's a convolution, well, you know
Of what God had planned to do
But when you say that there's no master plan
I think you probably just don't understand
Underneath there's gotta be design [3X]
Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" comes back as " Smells Like Holy Spirit," with lyrics that are a lot more comprehensible—if less poetic—than Kurt Cobain's.
In His Glory, it´s less dangerous
He is risen, exon´rate us
Jesus´ love is so contagious
He is risen, exon´rate us.
Re-Versed Lyrics offers rewrites for almost 100 other songs, including " Biblethumping" (for "Tubthumping"), " Prayin' in the Classroom" ("Smokin' in the Boys' Room"), " His Word" ("Hell's Bells"), " Addicted to God" ("Addicted to Love"), and " Tears in Heaven" ("Tears in Heaven").
It must be said that the lyrics often don't rival the originals—"Karma Chameleon" becomes "Rock o' Stability"? Still, they surely measure up to the re-versed musical one Slate editor performed in at her Jewish summer camp: Fannie.