Martin Amis' new novel: sex, sex, and more sex.

Reading between the lines.
Nov. 18 2003 1:36 PM

XXX

Martin Amis wonders if pornography is ruining your life.

Book cover

The excellent thing about having a small penis—a real "cashew," as the tabloid journalist Clint Smoker puts it in Martin Amis' new novel Yellow Dog—is "the likelihood of anal bliss, increased access to the tradesmen's entrance being something the smaller bloke could legitimately expect." Clint discovers this at the San Sebastiano Academy for Men of Compact Intromission. That's where he retreats after neither the erection drug Potentium nor a treatment called "His Voluminousness" nor a toolshed's worth of penile-growth gadgetry succeeds in solving Clint's problem: that he is a "crap fuck"—at least if the unanimous opinion of the women he has dated is anything to go by.

Advertisement

Over the course of a decade that began in the mid-1980s, Amis wrote four of the best novels any writer of his age has churned out: Money (1984), London Fields (1990), Time's Arrow (1991), and The Information (1995). Since then, he has been productive as a memoirist and nonfiction writer, but his only novel, Night Train (1997), was short and bad. Yellow Dog is a hard book to judge. On one hand, it is a convincing return to those big, bravura novels, with their black humor, intellectual complexity and Nabokovian wordplay, that he wrote in the Thatcher-Major years. But it is also—in the ethically deadpan way it constructs a world of pornography, incest, sexual violence, and child abuse—thoroughly repellent.

Yellow Dog is an achievement in its obscenity alone. It has four major subplots. Clint's is the closest to what we can call, for the nonce, traditional sexual morality. Among the others:

1. The minor writer Alexander "Xan" Meo gets clubbed on the head in a cocktail bar and passes through a period of "post-traumatic satyriasis," embarking on a bender of cruelty and nightmarish sexual fantasy.

2. Henry IX, the current king of England, is being blackmailed by gangsters who have used a secret camera to make a porn video of the crown princess Victoria. (Victoria, incidentally, is mulling a conversion to Islam.)

3. Karla White, a California porn star and victim of child abuse, hopes to avenge the damage done to her by ruining the life of another in turn—Xan, whom she assumes to be her first cousin once removed.

These plot lines are all set rolling by the same tragic flaw: the unsustainability of sexual equilibrium for your average male. Some of these men have more than the "right" level of virility, wrecking the order of the world. (The sinister English gangster Joseph Andrews says, "If I did have a regrettable habit, back then, it was that: giving me mates' wives one.") The others, more commonly, founder in impotence and onanism—like Clint himself, who is the book's evangelist of masturbation. He is a maniac for pornography, too, writing movie reviews with passages like: "and have your bogroll handy for when gueststar Dork Bogarde pumps his lovepiss over the heaving norks of our very own Donna Strange." What else is there to life?

It is Amis' point that with the digital proliferation (and the widening cultural acceptance) of pornography, sexual equilibrium has become even more elusive. Pornography's hidden viciousness is that it wreaks its worst damage on those who follow that most noble of precepts: "Know thyself." Occasionally in Yellow Dog, sexual self-knowledge arrives as a form of unearned Augustinian grace, as it does for Henry IX, whose wretched sex life is so bad that it is unaffected when his wife suffers a riding accident that leaves her on life support. This opens up a position for his Chinese mistress He Zizhen, whose erotic ministrations turn "his collateral heart (so torpid, so workshy, so decidedly valetudinarian)" into "a length of towel rack."

But those who reach this knowledge through porn are less lucky. The king's assistant, Brendan "Bugger" Urquhart-Gordon, assumes he's asexual until he watches a movie in which an actress tricked up to look like the pubescent princess is violated ("Brendan attended to the ordeal of his own arousal. You'd better hope that this doesn't happen, he thought, when you're watching the one about the oversexed undertaker, the coprophagic pigfarmer, the ladykilling ladykiller ..."). Since much modern porno involves recherché sex acts and twisted relationships, men (it is always men) who are turned on by it are left with only two self-destructive choices: perversion, if they give in to their desires; self-deception, if they resist them. Porn-enhanced masturbation, as described here, is an actual addiction; for Clint's sessions, the term "self-abuse" is not metaphorical:

He knew that the distance between himself and the world of women was getting greater. Each night, as he entered the Borgesian metropolis of electronic pornography—with its infinities, its immortalities—Clint was, in a sense, travelling towards women. But he was also travelling away from them.

TODAY IN SLATE

Politics

The Democrats’ War at Home

How can the president’s party defend itself from the president’s foreign policy blunders?

Congress’ Public Shaming of the Secret Service Was Political Grandstanding at Its Best

Michigan’s Tradition of Football “Toughness” Needs to Go—Starting With Coach Hoke

A Plentiful, Renewable Resource That America Keeps Overlooking

Animal manure.

Windows 8 Was So Bad That Microsoft Will Skip Straight to Windows 10

Politics

Cringing. Ducking. Mumbling.

How GOP candidates react whenever someone brings up reproductive rights or gay marriage.

Building a Better Workplace

You Deserve a Pre-cation

The smartest job perk you’ve never heard of.

Hasbro Is Cracking Down on Scrabble Players Who Turn Its Official Word List Into Popular Apps

Florida State’s New President Is Underqualified and Mistrusted. He Just Might Save the University.

  News & Politics
Politics
Sept. 30 2014 9:33 PM Political Theater With a Purpose Darrell Issa’s public shaming of the head of the Secret Service was congressional grandstanding at its best.
  Business
Moneybox
Sept. 30 2014 7:02 PM At Long Last, eBay Sets PayPal Free
  Life
Gaming
Sept. 30 2014 7:35 PM Who Owns Scrabble’s Word List? Hasbro says the list of playable words belongs to the company. Players beg to differ.
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 30 2014 12:34 PM Parents, Get Your Teenage Daughters the IUD
  Slate Plus
Behind the Scenes
Sept. 30 2014 3:21 PM Meet Jordan Weissmann Five questions with Slate’s senior business and economics correspondent.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Sept. 30 2014 8:54 PM Bette Davis Talks Gender Roles in a Delightful, Animated Interview From 1963
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 30 2014 7:00 PM There’s Going to Be a Live-Action Tetris Movie for Some Reason
  Health & Science
Medical Examiner
Sept. 30 2014 11:51 PM Should You Freeze Your Eggs? An egg freezing party is not a great place to find answers to this or other questions.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 30 2014 5:54 PM Goodbye, Tough Guy It’s time for Michigan to fire its toughness-obsessed coach, Brady Hoke.