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human guinea pigHuman Guinea PigHumiliating myself for fun and profit.2NA=1154&NC=1242&DI=4098&PS=62152&PI=7315humanfalsefalsespacernotembeddedhuman guinea pigI Got To Roll Out the Tarp, but …Emily YoffefalseHow I humiliated myself working on the Washington Nationals grounds crew.noI Got To Roll Out the Tarp, but …How I humiliated myself working on the Washington Nationals grounds crew.noMy first solo job as a member of the grounds crew for the Washington Nationals baseball team was to drive around the periphery of Nationals Park on a Toro Sand Pro 3040, smoothing the warning track. Attached to the back of the Sand Pro by ropes was a drag mat—a metal device that looks like a sidewalk grate. I own no yard equipment bigger than a push mower, and I am frightened of heavy machinery, so I started at a crawl. But by the time I was rounding right field, I was feeling cocky enough to get up to about 5 mph. I don't know what happened next—in these situations you never know what happened next—but instead of making the turn, I impaled the Sand Pro on one of the vinyl pads that line the stadium wall. The pad, there to protect outfielders from injury, was now listing at a 45 degree angle. Each time I tried to drive forward or backward to extricate myself, the gash I had made in the pad grew longer and wider, like a nylon stocking being ripped ankle to thigh.truenotochyperlinkno200992470139AMThursdaySepSeptember79/24/2009 11:01:39 AM633893724990000000200992470139AMThursdaySepSeptember79/24/2009 11:01:39 AM633893724990000000human guinea pigDead LettersEmily YoffefalseEveryone has terrible handwriting these days. My daughter and I set out to fix ours. noDead LettersWhy your kids have such terrible handwriting and what to do about it.noClick to see how Emily's and her daughter's handwriting improved.truenotochyperlinkno200991044003PMThursdaySepSeptember169/10/2009 8:40:03 PM633881976030000000200991044003PMThursdaySepSeptember169/10/2009 8:40:03 PM633881976030000000human guinea pigChess With KnivesEmily YoffefalseCan I master fencing, the sport for vicious brainiacs?noChess With KnivesCan I master fencing, the sport for vicious brainiacs?noI stepped toward my opponent, aimed my sword at her heart, and lunged, causing to pour forth from deep in her chest a stream of giggles. She blocked my attack with a lateral parry quarte, and I tried to riposte to her high inside line. My riposte missed its mark, and my opponent easily hit my blade away, then struck me, provoking more hilarity from her. There's something about being laughed at from behind a disembodied fencer's mask that is particularly infuriating. I was now so flustered that I forgot to extend my arm before lunging, allowing her to hit me again. She said, "You just get worse and worse! A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"truenotochyperlinkno20096525706PMFridayJunJune146/5/2009 6:57:06 PM63379810626000000020096525706PMFridayJunJune146/5/2009 6:57:06 PM633798106260000000human guinea pigWhere There's E-Smoke …Emily YoffefalseShould I be ostracized for smoking electronic cigarettes?noWhere There's E-Smoke …Should I be ostracized for smoking electronic cigarettes?noBarack Obama is under a lot of stress, which must be testing his oft-repeated vow to quit smoking. But no one wants to think of the president of the United States sneaking away from his desk, furtively taking a drag in the Rose Garden, and flicking his butts into Michelle's vegetable patch.truenotochyperlinkno20094632344PMMondayAprApril154/6/2009 7:23:44 PM63374628224000000020094632344PMMondayAprApril154/6/2009 7:23:44 PM633746282240000000human guinea pigA Colonial DameEmily YoffefalseMy brief, inspiring career as a historical re-enactor.noA Colonial DameMy brief, inspiring career as a historical re-enactor on a "Colonial farm."noVerily, your humble fervent did in the guise of the Humanae Cavia Porcellus fojourn to the paft, to the year of our Lord 1771. Prithee, allow me to declaim of my adventure in the colony of Virginia, and my difcoveries.truenotochyperlinkno2008121170609AMThursdayDecDecember712/11/2008 12:06:09 PM6336457596900000002008121170609AMThursdayDecDecember712/11/2008 12:06:09 PM633645759690000000200321475440AMFridayFebFebruary72/14/2003 12:54:40 PM631808060800000000200321475440AMFridayFebFebruary72/14/2003 12:54:40 PM631808060800000000falsetruetruetruetruetruetrue200313094934AMThursdayJanJanuary91/30/2003 2:49:34 PM631795169740000000200313094934AMThursdayJanJanuary91/30/2003 2:49:34 PM631795169740000000